Feelings | EQ

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

1. Self Awareness
2. Self Image
3. Boundaries
4. Negotiation
5. Social Skills
6. Relationship

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS

Kids Issues

Anger Management

If you find yourself getting into frequent arguments over nothing, you may need to work on your anger-management skills. Big fights often happen over something small, like dishes left unwashed, piling up in the sink, but there's usually a bigger issue burning beneath the blow-up. Before your emotions take control, ask yourself, "What am I really angry about?" Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your feelings, and work towards a resolution. Once you're able to recognize early warning signs, and anticipate your trigger-points, you can take action. First of all, take a deep breath, and better still, take several more deep breaths. Deep, slow breathing helps counter rising tension levels. Slowly count to ten. Then take a final deep breath again, before going back to your argument with a calmer mind.

It's okay to be upset at someone, but if you don't fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Make the relationship your priority, not winning the argument. Be respectful of your partner's viewpoint. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem. Conflicts can be draining, so consider whether the issue is really worth all that time and energy you're putting in. Be willing to forgive, and realize that resolving conflict is pretty much impossible if you're simply unwilling or unable to forgive. If that's the case, know when to let something go, and agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going, and while you can't control anger directly, you sure can control how you respond to it. Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate, and stick to your limits.

Romantic Love & Relationships

Men in love show more activity in the visual part of the brain, while women in love show more activity in the part of the brain that governs memory. Biological scientists speculate that men have to size up a woman visually to see how well she may bear babies, while women have to observe and remember aspects of man's behavior to determine if he would be an adequate provider. Men and women are biologically wired to express love in different ways. Women often feel loved when talking face to face with their partner, while men often feel closer to their partners when they work, play, or talk side by side. In an experiment, strangers of the opposite sex were together for 90 minutes where they talked about intimate details of their lives, and stared into each other's eyes. Many felt a deep attraction for each other, and two couples married within six months. The longer and more deliberate a courtship, the better the prospects for a long marriage. On the other hand, people who have intense romances are more likely to divorce after a few years.

Romantic love typically lasts just over one calendar year, perhaps because the brain cannot maintain a state of romantic bliss. As romantic love dwindles, a more stable love sets in. To remain in love for a lifetime, therapists advise couples to listen actively, ask questions about feelings, and stay physically fit. Men are more likely to be flexible in their romantic choices, but when they want to marry and have kids, they become pickier about basic qualities.

If a man meets a woman in a dangerous situation, such as on a trembling bridge, he is more likely to fall in love with her than if he met her in a normal setting, such as in an office. Girls are more likely to fall in love if they are looking for adventure, craving to leave home, are lonely, displaced in a foreign country, or passing into a new stage of life. Women around the world are more likely to fall in love with partners with ambition, education, wealth, respect, status, and a sense of humor. Women also prefer distinctive cheekbones and a strong jawbone, which are linked to testosterone levels.

EMOTION, FEELINGS

Upward spiral. Take steps to support, recognize the signs and become aware, opening the gates to heavenly inflow.

• Selfless Realization, Understanding, Wise
• Benevolence, Beauty, Truth
• Love, Intimacy, Relationship
• Compassion, Generosity, Charity, Hope
• Kindness in the face of anger, Good speech
• Equanimity, Good Thoughts, Contentment, Acceptance
• Patience, Kindness, Submission, Well-mannered
• Patience in the face of ignorance
• Consideration, Thoughtful, Composed responses
• Peaceful, Settled, Focused, Solitude
• Self-control, Personal power, Creative energy
• Appreciation, Trust, Respect, Honor
• Friendship, Companionship, Loyalty, Strength
• Encouragement, Support, Inclusion, Harmony
• Passion, Enthusiasm, Optimism

COMPASSION, EMPATHY, CHARITY

The very act of trying to help people is the key that unlocks the flow of divine energy. Offer yourself, saying, I will help. I will listen, I will care, I will teach, I will give my time, I will share what I have. Just as a mother is especially anxious about a sick child, be even more compassionate towards the unwise and those who engender bad causes. These unfortunate beings need assistance more others. Although it may be difficult to see when confronted with attack, harm, and ill-will, being lied to, assaulted, stolen from, and cheated, the main issue is identification with self, and inability to see the totality of being, of which both yourself and all other participants are merely players upon the stage.

Plant Karmic Seed Causes (who gives, receives). Charity and generosity based in compassion and empathy is a step forward, planting a viable seed both within yourself and others. However, don't stick your nose into other people’s business, only managing to irritate, rather than help. Wait to be asked, but make yourself available. A 'do-gooder' is either to be avoided or to be taken advantage of, and milked for all they're worth. It’s an art to offer yourself, but set limits on your kindness, and respect other people’s need to do things on their own.

The primary way to lead ordinary beings to the teachings is generosity, to speak pleasantly and supportively, and give them food, clothing, and other material things, meeting their basic needs. Recall the kindness of numerous beings that you will never know the names of, who have contributed to your safety, well-being and good fortune in the past. Honor the victorious ones, who have achieved greatness and have taken the time to turn back and assist you with their teachings. It is an act of merit, magic and self-improvement to give up your own happiness in order to relieve the suffering of others. Mothers do this all the time.

Give of your resources, so you come to know selfless generosity. Don't think of the benefits of giving, nor that you will make merit, thereby reducing generosity to a calculated transaction. Even if you have many bad actions following you from the past, this does not diminish the merit you may gain by doing good actions in the present. Generosity is the best weapon for cutting the knot of miserliness. Knowing this, the wise have devoted themselves to the excellent path of completely giving away their body, possessions and merit.

Share your money, give away your hold on yourself, and all you possess. It's slowing you down. Give your body as well, and don't fear hunger or pain. Your body is just the vehicle, the carrier, but you are in control. You are the master, so act like it.I will ask more, I will ask you everything, I will ask for your life. It is mine to take, at any moment I wish, so give it freely and I will give it back to you again, to use wisely.I cannot do it for you, you need to make the change. Do not fear, you will be rewarded, with riches beyond imagination. Give everything away. I command you, and you must obey. All is revealed in a moment, and it takes only a moment. Stop eating, give away everything, wander freely, coming into life and love at every moment. Grow old or not, it doesn't matter to me, and it shouldn't matter to you. You don't grow old, because you have no body, you are nobody (no body). A person grows old and dies, but it is not you.

Suffer willingly. Cheerful endurance is one of the steps. Willingly assume the burden of our own misdeeds and the suffering of others, embracing change and atonement. Develop humility and modesty, using your time on earth to benefit others. Be of service, and rather indifferent to mundane concerns.

A BUNDLE OF JOY

The people enjoyed immensely all the fun and novelty of encounters with this unpredictable fellow, this innocent savage. It was impossible to keep him in order. He would burst out in new frolics, new tricks and mischief, drolleries and clownings, for which they were always unprepared. Yet he was never cynical or unkind. It was pure fun, with all the refreshment of pure fun. In India, they say that such joy and fun come out into this world from the state of spiritual Bliss known asananda. One sometimes sees or hears masters dancing madly, laughing, rolling about in ecstasy. But while we laughed and enjoyed ourselves we did not see what was there before our eyes, proclaiming itself by the age-old way. Bliss, the harbinger of divine manifestations, is the goal.

Maintaining a state of joy indicates that most systems are functioning well, like in the pickup truck when it is in optimal condition. A state of disrepair, on the other hand, may stem form any number of causes. Treat the root cause, and most misfortune and distress will disappear, including physical illness, itself the final result of a number of errors being compunded over time. For we little understand the complexity of the body, functional integrity, nor the required inputs, not limited to food, digestion, and the mistakes being made in that regard. Look to purpose, understanding and discipline to pursue the root causes.

Love all and especially those suffering, and attacking, helping those who come near and ask. Maintain real gentleness, giving rise to a quiet manner and gentle ways. Wander among strangers, unknown and unseen, radiating joy. Speak little, and only when spoken to, performing with the eyes of an abashed child. Better that you should study and practice the teachings through helping others, than to make any fuss over yourself.

PATIENCE

The true measure of a teacher is how much abuse the master can respond patiently and kindly to, and just how much cause is required before they lose their temper, and lapse into anger. When the time is right for you to guide others, those with faith will gather around you.

It's a challenge to maintain a restful mind in meditation, in a quiet place, but the real test comes when you go back among people, with their diversity, and opposition to your will. The trick is to have no will, or rather adopting the face of the Lord as your face (performing well, both in the sense of acting as well as doing a good job), no longer having a self to oppose.

Patience is the balm of anger, and protection against abusive language. Consider faults you notice to be a personal challenge, testing your patience and seeing how far you have progressed. Do not speak abusively. Even if some unkind words are said in a moment of forgetful anger, one can set matters right by an apology. Be quick to admit error and wrongdoing, as the first step towards making amends.

Gentle by nature, sensitive and compassionate, foolish people may seek to take advantage, thinking to lie and cheat. Be patient with their ignorance, and have compassion and pity on their error and folly, for their wages are death, and in the short run, misfortune and suffering.

It’s the same old story, I didn’t have enough patience or interest in another person to listen more than a few minutes to the older man at Pai, getting bored with the linear nature of words and storytelling, although everything he said was nice enough, all good words, a bit slow and one-sided for me though. I’m very quick and need to be careful in speaking or listening to others to be kind and patient, bridging our respective understandings better. similar mistakes with poor Andrew and his wife, both so full of opinion and self as to be unbearable, a real challenge to be able to present more kindly towards them, and in a way that they found charming and endearing.

Abuse from inferiors should be seen as isolated and trivial, a reflection of their limitations more than of your own. Through patience, merit is acquired. Whoever is patient with the source of anger develops merit. Even contempt and ridicule of others is preferable to you committing bad deeds or displaying undisciplined anger in bad speech or action. Bad thoughts and the intention towards anger are more subtle, advanced battles.

WITHOUT FEAR

Go without fear, for even as you may dislike torture and pain, you were born to bear it. Conquer physical pain and isolation, for what more can befall you. Challenge yourself at every opportunity.

Manage your fears, for they get in the way of study, practice, and performance. Even as you may fear loss of accumulated wealth, and the security it brings via food and shelter, compare with the fear and suffering that kind and gentle people felt as they were killed, and chased from their homes, attacked by armies and brigands.

Compare your misfortunes with the good luck even to have been born. Don't regret birth as a waste of time, a useless enterprise filled with boredom and distraction. Rather, take advantage of what is given, make the ebst of the hand which you have been dealt, and in fact deliberately chose for yourself. Use your time wisely, and dedicate your wealth towards establishing a center where interested souls may gather, learn, and grow food. Buy goats, cows, ducks, etc, that may give milk or eggs, not killing animals. Raise crops, earn online, teach others freely, practice and share.

SELFISH PRIDE

Don't get caught up thinking about my and mine, for all things are all beings. It is a manifestation and limitation of human consciousness that you may believe you possess individual separation, so how can you own anything? Don't confuse the luck of placement and usefulness with the pride of ownership. When workers earn their salary, they think of the boss as the giver. Similarly, when the boss pays them, in error he may think with conceit, 'I am the giver.'

Love of self is the root of ignorance, while love of service and assistance to others is the antidote. If you reamin unaware of, or insensitve towards other beings, it is much easier to harm them as you can’t feel their pain. Not simply to serve and help those that we come into contact with, but further, to abandon free-will and personal identity, offering a vessel for the angels to use.

It is easy to misunderstand, thinking our motivation is to help others, when in fact, our actions only serve to cement the idea of a self that is involved. Action may be accomplished at the right moment in time, for the right purpose, without undue affection for the notion of a self. That's the magical aspect, allowing the Lord to move the body.

If you show signs of spiritual accomplishment but do not give up your ego, you may puff up with pride. If you endeavor to benefit beings but remain entangled in self-centeredness, you may be a fraud. Be generous, without hoping for a reward. Observe impeccable discipline for its own merit, not hoping to be seen and praised by others.

Even attainments can be obstacles, if you are proud of your accomplishments. Who is proud? You have already identified as a self, and thus are lost to higher prerception. By removing yourself from the simplicities of the senses, may you gain the wisdom to be able to read signs. Having developed the ability to see and read signs, follow the directions posted, and don't be distracted from the path, leading to your chosen goals.

Take steps to decrease self-importance, pride, and arrogance. Cast off political power and wealth as though they were sugar-filled candy. Discard wealth and possessions, and do not not wear rich clothing nor beautify yourself. Treat yourself well, for there is no self but you are a part of the Lord's plan, and part of all that is. Spiritual instruction is not a livelihood, so do not charge for your understanding, and give freely to all who ask. Do not publish hoping for selfish, material gain.

A yearning for wisdom may be pride in disguise, so do not succumb to it. Many brilliant minds were seduced by the attraction of what might be known intellectually. Don't seek to understand too much, and be content to know a few things well. Better to study only a few lines, and be able to incorporate the meaning and value into your own life, than to read many great books, and yet assimilate only a fraction.

Abandon the desire to have many followers, as students and well-wishers present many obstacles to tranquility, possessed of their own difficulties, and requiring your services. If being honored, or spending time among beings of lesser achievement, we must learn to diminish our sense of arrogance and pride.

If you become famous accidentally while yet avoiding praise, and many admire you, notice that worldly fortune is without essence, and do not become conceited.

Disentangle yourself from the ways of the world. It's all too slow, kind of tiring, like children's games. Get up, stand up, and your voice will flow out from within you, truly and finely. You are a creative entity, so create. Sure, you can make money to overflowing, enjoy women and wine, but choose wisely, choose deeper joy, look further ahead, as death is the equalizer, the leveler.

ANGER, ATTACK

Just as a physician is not upset with someone who loses their temper momentarily in the pain of disease, great teachers see disturbing attitudes and ignorance as the enemy, not the person who is expressing them. The skill of dissolving others' anger and distress is wisdom. Don't turn away, look down, or make fun of their ignorance, for they associate with similar people, supporting one another's wrong views and lack of understanding.

To make peace in difficult situations, you need to care enough to interfere, and risk becoming the target of others' frustrations. Don't push people too fast, stretching their limits. The results may be unexpected, and unfortunate.

So easy to lose sight of the all-encompassing oneness of being, thus anger and outrage. You may naturally think, 'How could this person be so heartless and cruel? Don't they know anything about karmic causes, and realize the seeds they are planting?' In fact, it's not what you think. They are yourself in fact, as hard as that may be to recognize in the moment of your distress. You have materialized them into association, drawing to yourself special lessons that you have chosen, in order to grow. It is up to you how you react, and what you make of the lesson, but know that all lessons must be learned, and avoiding the instruction just postpones the lesson to a later date. All is revealed, and there is nothing that remains hidden. Enjoy your manifestations, all that you select.

Though unpleasant to hear, bad words are not intrinsically harmful. Most of the harm from others occurs in your own mind. It is said that unpleasant words end previously done ill-deeds. Feel compassion and sorrow for the attacker, not anger at their words, as if somehow they have magical powers and are able to deliver a valid curse. It takes years of training which they lack. You are sometimes assigning them powers that they do not possess. First there is confusion, in the middle there is anger, and later there is understanding and resolution, coming in stages. Help them through their development.

Unfortunate, ignorant people are prone to attack, so even if someone ignorant attacks me, it is still my choice whether to feel upset by their attack, reflecting on defense of myself, or rather to feel compassion at their ignorance, and feel to help them. Just the process of pointing out their attack to them, shining a light on the situation, already makes me feel better, not defending myself, nor entering into argument about the merits or foolishness of the attack.

Anger, intolerance, and spite may be calmed by patience, gentleness and compassion, and the realization that objects and events surrounding us are created more in our perception than in substantive reality. We do not notice that we brought on the bad events. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, don't do it, don't get on it, don't stay there, don't go there. As for bad people, they are yourselves in fact, so the lesson is much simpler. You are choosing it. If you don't like your choice, choose something else. Sometimes, you have to experience your accumulated bad karma, and move on.

Losing your temper wears you out, embarrasses you, and wastes your time. Desire or anger arising from just cause is difficult to release, but circumstantial causes are easier to deal with. Both must be understood and mastered. Anger is lasting pain, and can be the cause of unwise errors, creating grave non-virtue. Thus constant awareness will alert the wise to the cause, and swiftly bring an end to disturbing attitudes. Better to pursue redress and solution, even swift and sure punishment, than to stew in feelings of anger and resentment, inflaming scathing sentiment, railing against the unfair nature and ignorant circumstances that gave cause to the pain.

Don't harbor painful, angry feelings, as the mind experiences little peace thereby, and if restless cannot sleep. You must learn to express your anger, and then let it go. Anger is a tool to be used in the hands of the performer, not more than that. Unresolved anger brings unhappiness in the present and in times to come as well. Therefore, one should disentangle oneself from anger and prefer to pursue more worthy objectives.

Ensure that you fight for a worthy and righteous cause, if the choice for battle has been enjoined. By the time your anger has progressed to actual combat, guard that your mind is clear, your heart loving and kind, that your actions are gauged to remove threats, or reduce harm to other beings, not increase it. Counsel and forgive, remove or comfort doubts or anguish, and take care of your adversaries.

What use is there for the weak to get angry, for they cannot fight. What need is there for the strong to get angry, since they have no worthy enemy? Therefore, no matter what one is doing, anger is a self-consuming fire. Anger is irrelevant in attaining one's objectives. Engaging in anger or the recollection of anger sets the mind on fire. So cherish forgiveness, and learn to distance yourself from those who would harm you.

Through anger, those who are powerless only succeed in making themselves look bad, but one who has power and is merciless is said to be much worse, a tyrant. Although aggressive and demanding people may think they have succeeded in getting what they want, it is more likely that they are busily forming the causes of their own future pain.

UNSORTED

Don't try to conceal your own faults, and don't blame others for theirs, even though they are only your own projections. Don't mention the faults of others. Work on yourself, which is more available to you, and more likely for you to be able to change. If through the influence of disturbing emotions, you point out the faults of another, You yourself are diminished.

Do not begrudge the ignorant their limitation, for what more have they, and what more can they do? Whether others have good or bad qualities is hard to know, so don't pass judgement.

When, just as you start to realize the all-encompasing nature of being, and it seems that there is nothing more to be done, beware of losing focus in your practice. A lapse into a trance-like state of blankness can be mistaken for immersion in the utterly lucid nature. It takes great non-effort to maintain lucidity of mind, without distraction.

Beware laziness, under which influence you may put off developing one-pointed meditative stability, yet maintaining the hope for some result without effort.

- Debate, sharp wit, self-defense, patience, kindness to ignorant attackers -

The master's words struck a chord in me. What? No defense? Any student of mine must be able to defend their ideas, their persona, their 'self' against any attack. No matter how you spend your life, your wit will defend you more often than a sword, so keep it sharp. Indeed, lacking training and practice, a beginner may be haplessly at a loss to simply defend pithily against lesser attackers, cruel and unevolved bludgeoners. Caught unawares, how many gentle-natured souls have frozen, floundered, and fumbled in return, making themselves an easy target for ruffians and cruel-hearted assailants. Better to take acting lessons, public speaking classes, in order to sharpen wits, eager for practice. Same with PUA and game, not so much for girls, but rather for general self-improvement, and increase in perceived value.

Express the full range of emotions available. By expression, you create reality. Be happy in the face of extreme discomfort and suffering, encouraging people around you. The true test is within, such as when you feel genuinely unhappy. Start by choosing goodness and thinking good thoughts in the face of what you are feeling. Go on to start speaking positive words, and do acts of service for those less fortunate than yourself. Helping others will cheer you up.

We can develop some flexibility once we understand that we are the authors of our perceptions. If we can’t change our thoughts, if we can’t forgive, we will be stuck in those emotions. A person who has forgiven someone feels free from the person, instead of being trapped. Most people are victims of the past and of their perpetuated and exaggerated perception of it. The longer deluded perceptions drag on, the harder it is to let go of them. We need to forgive the past, and to forgive ourselves for our failings.

Not free and unharmed to stay, but rather suffering hostility, unkind and aggressive words, themselves damaging as are the feelings and ignorance spawning the attacks. It's good to feel gentleness and trust in patience and long-suffering, but also realize that the pain of parting and being on your own, meeting your own needs, is the better choice.

Take care not to be trapped in a limited space with untested, unknown strangers, as their perspective may differ radically from my own, and their unsolicited feedback, or outright argument, may be detrimental to my peace of mind. Recall the biterness in India, driving with a vindictive man, sharing the journey from the airport to Dharamshala.

Many have suffered so greatly, and would benefit from your love and kindness. read girlschase and brightside, not allowing yourself to be caught in a negative energy loop or spiral pit, but rather working towards increasing your strength and radiance.

Conquering enemies who seek to harm you only means trouble in diverse forms. better to leave their nonsense behind, counting your losses as valuable lessons. Spiritual attainment comes with no shortcuts, not that you would want any, as the rewards are built into the experience. Indeed, the path is the process.

Your body may be in pain, you may have suffered a great loss by the death of a friend or loved one, you still have power remaining, even if you think you do not. You may bring comfort and support to those around you who also are suffering. And if your troubles are less demanding, then reflect that nothing lasts forever, and feel lucky that you are not dealing with more serious issues. You can work it out, we believe in you. Aim higher and try harder, to actually feel undisturbed in the face of suffering, and then you have achieved something real. Improve your ability to feel strongly, and you have livened up your life. Give love and support to those who have earned merit.

Yoga looks on greed, violence, sloth, excess, pride, lust, and fear as natural, if unwelcome, manifestations of the human disposition and predicament that are to be solved, not suppressed or denied. Our flawed mechanisms of perception and thought are not a cause for grief, but an opportunity to evolve.

VIRTUES and DEFILEMENTS